Hey gang... just off the phone with a TOP CLINTON STRATEGIST... I've got the details on Hillary Clinton's new economic stimulus package... designed to help those hit hardest by the recent economic downturn... the unexpected choppy waters we find ourselves in...
It's a specific plan, not like Obama's "let's all hold hands and reach for the stars, which we can't even grab because we're all tangled up in each others' hands..."
Here it is:
IF YOU'RE JUST SCRAPING BY AT YOUR JOB, HILLARY CLINTON WILL GIVE YOU FIVE MILLION DOLLARS, CASH. . . PROVIDED YOUR JOB INVOLVES RUNNING FOR THE DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION.
(OFFER NOT VALID FOR BARACK OBAMA.)
The funds are limited, so you'd better start gathering petition signatures now! I'm throwing my hat in the ring and running as "Ron Paul 3000," the hot new version of Ron Paul... look for my virtual rally in Second Life... please come dressed like a warlock... my campaign needs warlocks... we're caucusing in World of Warcraft, too... meet me under the Skull-Bridge of N'thrungore... I'll be playing the zither and singing about Ayn Rand...
I bet Barack Obama wishes he had the (intellectual) funds and (selfless) boldness to propose such an audacious stimulus package! Hillary Clinton has just earned her stripes as an economic-package-stimulator of the highest order!!! Her plan puts real money in the hands of real people who need it real bad.
What's Obama's plan? More of the same old platitudes? "Ooh, look at this YouTube video of a bunch of young people singing some hippie-style rap song where they couldn't even afford to film it in color?" Last time I checked, that didn't add up to FIVE MILLION DOLLARS CASH. NEXT!
Contrast Obama's empty rhetoric with Clinton's PROVEN ABILITY to provide MASSIVE INJECTIONS OF CASH to those who need it most! She's so modest, she didn't even brag about it at the time! Most politicians would have called a big press conference on the porch of their mansion and been all like, "Look at me! I'm giving away millions of dollars to a woman in need! Let's all go to Kazakhstan to celebrate how great I am!"
But not Hillary Clinton! It's the classic dynamic: Specific versus vague; proven versus untested; tested versus unproven.
12 comments:
Huckabee lost 100 lbs
but but Obama will give us all wicked fast internet connections and the world's best broadband... penetration! From his website (so specific!):
* Deploy Next-Generation Broadband: Barack Obama believes that America should lead the world in broadband penetration and Internet access. As a country, we have ensured that every American has access to telephone service and electricity, regardless of economic status, and Obama will do likewise for broadband Internet access. Full broadband penetration can enrich democratic discourse, enhance competition, provide economic growth, and bring significant consumer benefits. Moreover, improving our infrastructure will foster competitive markets for Internet access and services that ride on that infrastructure. Obama believes we can get true broadband to every community in America through a combination of reform of the Universal Service Fund, better use of the nation’s wireless spectrum, promotion of next-generation facilities, technologies and applications, and new tax and loan incentives. Specifically, Obama proposes the following policies to restore America’s world leadership in this arena:
1. Redefine “broadband:” The Federal Communications Commission today defines “broadband” as an astonishingly low 200 kbps. This distorts federal policy and hamstrings efforts to broaden broadband access. Obama will define “broadband” for purposes of national policy at speeds demanded by 21st century business and communications.
2. Universal Service Reform: Obama will establish a multi-year plan with a date certain to change the Universal Service Fund program from one that supports voice communications to one that supports affordable broadband, with a specific focus on reaching previously un-served communities.
3. Unleashing the Wireless Spectrum: Obama will confront the entrenched Washington interests that have kept our public airwaves from being maximized for the public’s interest. Obama will demand a review of existing uses of our wireless spectrum. He will create incentives for smarter, more efficient and more imaginative use of government spectrum and new standards for commercial spectrum to bring affordable broadband to rural communities that previously lacked it. He will ensure that we have enough spectrum for police, ambulances and other public safety purposes.
4. Bringing Broadband to our Schools, Libraries, Households and Hospitals: Obama will recommit America to ensuring that our schools, libraries, households and hospitals have access to next generation broadband networks. He will also make sure that there are adequate training and other supplementary resources to allow every school, library and hospital to take full advantage of the broadband connectivity.
5. Encourage Public/Private Partnerships: Obama will encourage innovation at the local level through federal support of public/private partnerships that deliver real broadband to communities that currently lack it.
"Fatherhood raped Motherhood and told her it was for the global good." -Frente
i need HBO. i lost all 6 seasons of the sopranos because i didn't have it. does the obama cable lineup include HBO, or do i have to pay extra? thanks.
(ps: i didn't mean to offend anyone. my rule-breaking behavior on this blog has been a cry for help. i need HBO, please...)
Improve Mental Health Care. Mental illness affects approximately one in five American families. The National Alliance on Mental Illness estimates that untreated mental illnesses cost the U.S. more than $100 billion per year. As president, Obama will support mental health parity so that coverage for serious mental illnesses are provided on the same terms and conditions as other illnesses and diseases.
Ok, but what about HBO?
Netflix is cheaper than HBO. Four hours of Sopranos a night for the next year, you'll be caught right up.
i just heard from a top clinton aide that hillary is offering universal netflix access. i now believe that she is the right candidate for me. thanks everyone for your helpful comments.
"If audiences can't handle "Truth," Darnell has another show in the pipeline that may have some critics chattering again about the end of civilization. This one takes place on an island where women are in charge and men are subservient.
It's called 'When Women Rule the World.'"
from:
http://www.newsday.com/entertainment/tv/ny-fftv5540521jan20,0,5770658.story?page=2
That island is called seychelles.
Citing where you get stuff from will save electricity. Unlike that paper-less billing scam. Trees be damned.
See here.
This is beyond the pale. I think we need a rule against plagiarism.
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